Vapour Trail
by alwayslovingyou
Summary: He sometimes puts in a witty remark calling her his sexy friend or beautiful friend. She always tells him to shut up. Because she could start believing it. Because he never calls Haley like that. Because Brooke could hear them. LP


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DISCLAIMER: I don't own One Tree Hill nor Circa Survive nor Vapour Trail by Ride.

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_vapour trail by alwayslovingyou_

They are friends, it's something what they say to each other every day.

He sometimes puts in a witty remark calling her his sexy friend or beautiful friend. She always tells him to shut up.

Because she could start believing it. Because he never calls Haley like that. Because Brooke could hear them.

* * *

She doesn't want to lose Brooke.

Brooke is her rock, always was, always will be. It's Brooke who holds her late at night when she cries, sometimes because of Jake, sometimes because of Ellie, sometimes just because. It's Brooke who's number one on her speed dial (even though, she's number two on hers).

It's Brooke who she keeps on lying to.

But still, she can't lose her.

* * *

Sometimes he calls her in the middle of the night saying stupid things like 'Be careful, the monsters are lurking outside' or something like 'I like that green Circa Survive t-shirt you wore to the beach this summer, it brings out the colour of your eyes'. Just stupid things like that. He always hangs up before she gets a chance to respond. She tells herself they don't mean anything, he's just playing with her, his friend.

His sexy friend. Every night, she falls asleep with his words echoing in her mind.

When she wakes up, he is her first thought. Her _friend_ Lucas. There's nothing wrong with that, is there?

* * *

Brooke doesn't spend so much time with her now, she's too busy going out with Lucas, Haley and Nathan. They told her to come, but she said she had a headache. Then she had too much homework. Then she was just too tired. She lied, and she can't blame Brooke for wanting to be happy, how could she?

When they are together, all five of them, she's the one who just nods her head and smiles when needed.

Lucas doesn't call her anymore in the middle of the night. Brooke is best friend with Haley now.

Nathan is the one who is there for her. Sometimes, just sometimes.

Other times, she is alone.

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To the world, she broods too much, she's selfish, she's too needy. The world sees a loser in her. And so does she. After all, the world is no place for a martyr. But she can't help it, she is what she is, and she won't change herself for anyone.

She just changes herself for everyone.

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_The blue moon fills the dark oblivion with the feelings of pain and bitterness as the waves crash on the shore making the night alive with the sound of silence. _

_They just lay there, not caring for the sand which gets into their clothes. They are too drunk to care._

_Slowly his fingers trace the skin on her neck down her collarbone. All along a smile paints his lips because this is the first time he's touching her like this. Her eyes are closed as she tries to concentrate to the song he humms, forgetting a word here and there. She corrects him but he tells he to be quiet and let him enjoy himself. _

_His fingers getting lost in her hair, he pulls it a bit and she slaps him on the shoulder. He laughs out loud, and turns to lay on his back. Together they watch the stars._

_«Twinkle, twinkle little star, how I wonder what you are, up above the world so high…» He stops there._

_«Like a diamond in the sky.» She finishes with a small laugh. He laughs with her._

_«Look, a falling star. Quickly Luke, make a wish.»_

_His baby blues look at her carefree smile and at the twinkle in her eyes. He notices the perfection of her laughter as she finds him staring at her. And then he kisses her._

_The blue moon fills the dark oblivion with the feelings of confusion as the night butterflies dance around in the hot summer air._

_He pins her to the sand, careful not to put too much weight onto her body. But still, she hasn't kissed him back. He moves his lips away from hers, and smiles a bit when he sees her eyes are still closed. When she finally looks at him, too drunk to ask him what the hell happened, she doesn't say anything. _

_She does nothing._

* * *

They think it's dream. It's easier then.

Friends don't kiss.

Not even when they are sexy.

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She always wanted to be a butterfly. A blue one with black wings. If she was a butterfly, her wings would take her away into the night, the beautiful black night, and she would get lost in the soundless silence.

And then, she would fall apart.

And no one would notice.

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Would it be wrong to wish for stupid things like being hugged by that one boy, not in a_ friendly_ way? Is it wrong for her to wish she could just be held by someone who would hold her safe and protected from the monsters outside?

Like Nathan holds Haley. Like Lucas holds Brooke.

She never felt safe in Jake's arms. It wasn't safety, she just became custom to it. Nothing more, nothing less.

She did love Jake. She loved him when he kissed her, when they had sex, when he came back for her. Then, she loved him.

She loves Lucas. When he smiles at her, when he makes fun of her in a _friendly_ way, when he calls her in the middle of the night. Now, she loves him.

She loves her green Circa Survive t-shirt.

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And when she sees him walking towards her, she sees his smile, the blue spark in his eyes, his love. She feels hope.

And when she sees Brooke next to her, her hope dies.

And when he hugs Brooke, she looks away.

And doesn't notice how his eyes are never closed. Not once.

Because every time he hugs Brooke, he looks at her. Not in a friendly way, but in a way a heart needs love.

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It a simple paradox (if a paradox can ever be simple that is), why she feels so loved and yet so hated every time he looks at her. She never understood this fact and she doesn't think she ever will, but it still there, haunting her mind.

It isn't her who is meant to see his love. And she breaks when she sees his hatred.

She thinks he doesn't even know how she feels when he looks at her.

But he does. He's her friend when she pretends she cares for the new Cosmo Brooke brought her in the hospital when she got shot, he's her friend when she tries to hide her tears, he's her friend when she smiles at him. Now, he's her friend.

But he can't be just her friend.

And that is way he hates her. Because being friends with Peyton is like flying. You never know when you are going to fall.

In love, that is.

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She wants to be a butterfly, he wants to fly.

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**_And all my time  
Is yours as much as mine  
We never have enough  
Time to show our love _**

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I'm ill, and I watched season 3 today, one epi. This sucks, I know, but still. I kind of like it :)

P.S. It's sure a lot better than season 5...


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